Sitting on the cold floor of a corporate bathroom stall, my world began to unravel. I couldn’t feel my hands; my breath was shallow, rapid, a sign of the storm brewing within. There between the grey impersonal walls, a foggy blackness edged its way into my vision, blurring the line between consciousness and the void.
“Am I dying?” The thought flickered through my mind, but no, this was a familiar foe – a panic attack, vicious and unyielding.
If you’d have walked through the corridors of Microsoft, you’d find me there, in a relentless cycle of proving my worth. Up to twelve hours a day, I was a fixture in the office –often the first to flick on the lights each morning, and the last to switch them off. I devoured my lunches quickly at my desk, a testament to my dedication, or perhaps, my fear. The fear that if I paused, even for a moment, they would see me for what I believed I was – unworthy.
This unworthiness became my shadow, compelling me to work relentlessly. And to cope with the mounting pressure, I ran. Every morning, without fail, I pushed my body through a ten-mile run, a punishing ritual to outrun my doubts and anxieties, only to arrive at the office ready to hustle for validation and a sense of “safety” once more.
But the cost of this hustle was steep. My body rebelled against this nonstop pace, coming down with walking pneumonia. But even this stark warning couldn’t steer me off my path. My mantra was “GO, GO, GO…. DO, DO, DO.” After all, I was an independent woman, disciplined and assertive, connected to my logical brain.
A woman, fully in her masculine energy.
It was there, in the isolation of that bathroom stall, amidst a crescendo of panic and despair, that a profound realization pierced through the chaos:
I needed healing, I needed balance.
This path, paved with overwork and self-neglect, led me far away from my essence, from the feminine energy that once flowed so freely within me.
Rediscovering Feminine Energy Through Yoga Nidra
The journey back to myself didn’t happen overnight. It required patience, courage, and a deep devotion to healing. Among the countless practices I explored, meditation stood out as a beacon of hope. And Yoga Nidra was one of my favs. This ancient form of meditation became my sanctuary, a place where I could reconnect with the neglected aspects of my being – my intuition, creativity, and depth of love.
Yoga Nidra, often described as yogic sleep, guided me into a state of profound relaxation, where I could listen to the whispers of my soul. In this liminal space, I began to release years of trauma and tension and heal the rifts within me, harmonizing my masculine drive with the nurturing, receptive, and compassionate qualities of my feminine energy.
What is Feminine Energy and How Do I Know When I’m Disconnected From It?
I later learned that feminine energy, or Shakti energy, is not just about receptivity, compassion, and nurturing. It’s also our capacity for emotional intelligence, intuition, creativity, and our connection to our inner self and the universe at large. Feminine energy is about spontaneity, inspiration, play, dance, and unbridled joy.
Everyone has a feminine side, but our productivity-focused society and its corporate environments largely encourage and reward masculine qualities to the detriment of our feminine energy.
So, for many people, and especially many women today, the side effects of neglecting our feminine essence are: feeling burnt out, stressed, anxious, irritable, rigid, controlling, disconnected from our inner self, low libido, numbness, and suffering relationship challenges.
Luckily, we have practices like Yoga Nidra that can offer a path to balancing and harmonizing with your true nature.
The Transformative Power Of Yoga Nidra
Through regular practice, yoga nidra became a wellspring of empowerment and self-discovery for me. It taught me that my true strength lies in vulnerability, in the ability to surrender, let go, and receive. As I dove deeper, I unleashed creativity and playfulness that’d been stifled by years of rigidity. My volatile emotional landscape became much more peaceful and resilient, and I finally started attracting healthy masculine men in my life who cherished me.
Empowerment, Self-Discovery, and Self-Acceptance through Yoga Nidra
In the peaceful spaces I entered in yoga nidra, I saw through the facade of the ego and my inner critic. I experienced myself as pure awareness where all judgments fade into compassion. Self-acceptance finally emerged as I began to recognize and honor my intrinsic worth, regardless of my achievements. I felt empowered finally because I didn’t need to prove myself to others like before. I no longer viewed myself or the world the same again.
Enhancing Creativity and Intuition with Yoga Nidra
In yoga nidra, my analytical mind would dissolve, and through its vivid imagery, I’d tap into my intuition and imagination. I started having new perspectives and great ideas, feeling more inspired and creative than ever. Yoga Nidra had unlocked a door within me, revealing all the possibilities I couldn’t see when I was keeping myself so busy. I was no longer doing, but being.
Emotional Well-being and Hormonal Balance with Yoga Nidra
Yoga Nidra helped me release so many pent-up feelings that had contributed to my anxiety and depression, allowing my nervous system to start healing. Even my hormonal balance started improving, with more regularity in my cycles. Something I hadn’t encountered before as a woman diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome).
But the most profound realization was the interconnectedness of all aspects of my being. Yoga Nidra helped me understand that honoring my feminine energy was not a rejection of the masculine but a harmonious balance that nurtured my whole self. Once I learned to surrender to my feminine side, I was able to build and find success in a career that I truly loved.
How To Get Started with Yoga Nidra
If you’re feeling the call to explore the depths of your inner world, to heal, and to harmonize, I cannot recommend meditation and yoga nidra enough. However, this journey of self-discovery is deeply personal and is best approached with proper guidance. While it’s possible to practice yoga nidra on your own, finding a qualified guide, a class, or a quality recording can give you the support and structure you’ll need for it to be effective.
Integrating Feminine Energy into Daily Life
My journey from corporate burnout to feeling more inspiration, creativity, and inner peace is 100% due to reconnecting with my feminine energy. But remember, the journey back to yourself is continuous, and a path of constant learning and integration. There will be pitfalls. Expect there to be times when you have to come back to your practice after falling out of balance again.
It’s not about achieving perfection, so give yourself grace for being human.
Integration is alot like riding a bike. To keep the bike upright and moving we have to constantly course-correct with mini swerves to the left and right as we peddle. So finding “balance” is really just a series of course corrections. It’s the same with harmonizing our masculine and feminine sides in daily life. Once we find our optimal state, we need to keep coming back to it in practice after spending time in the grind of our daily lives and its many demands. These continuous course corrections keep us aligned and moving forward with grace.
Yoga Nidra teaches us to honor our rhythms, to listen deeply to our intuition, and to embrace the flow of life with grace and resilience. It releases the grip that our pains, doubts, worries, and attachments have over us. We find liberation when we drop into our true nature and harmonize our feminine and masculine energies.
If you’re seeking to deepen your practice or explore the healing potential of yoga nidra and meditation, I invite you to join me or any of the wonderful teachers at the Yoga Barn for a class.
If you’re drawn to share this powerful practice with others, consider our annual meditation teacher training [here], a journey not just about teaching meditation, but of profound personal transformation as well.
In any case, give yourself the sacred space to explore your inner world, and connect with something greater than yourself, because it’s never too late to become the person you want to be.
- Meditation Teacher
Leah Santa Cruz is a Meditation Teacher with a background in neuroscience and psychology. After experiencing burnout and anxiety in her former career working with Microsoft and tech startups, meditation became her path to healing.
Leah now lives in Bali and teaches at The Yoga Barn where she offers classes, workshops, and meditation teacher trainings. She’s the Co-Head of Meditation and Coach on the award-winning, Balance Meditation App – awarded Google’s “App of the Year” and helping more than ten million people worldwide.
